At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
