I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
