woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
