New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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