Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
