I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
