I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
