so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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