I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
