You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
