I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
