This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
