party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
