Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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