I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
