I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
