oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
