after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
