he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
