So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
