just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
