We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Enjoy the penises
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
