You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
