totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My vagina is officially offended.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
