My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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