He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
