Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
