Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
