No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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