I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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