His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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