i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
