i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
