did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
