Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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