I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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