At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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