I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
