Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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