The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
