omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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