It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
