I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just blew my weed a kiss
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
