you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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