i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
