Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He better not be in your backpack
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
