hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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