Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
