did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
