the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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