I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
