Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Life is so much better after having sex.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
