I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
