It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
