my soul wont recognize me after tonight
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
