There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
