I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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